He’s sitting over there in front of the television; blanket over his head, mowing down dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. He’s happy as can be, dipping his nuggets into ketchup, eyes fixed on Rescuebots. Today is a special day. I have allowed him to eat his lunch in front of the television, something I NEVER do.
He squealed with delight when I moved his little table in front of the TV screen and set his plate down. “Mama! Why do I get to eat my lunch here?” he questioned. I told him it was because I love him. He grinned and took his seat.
As I looked over at my happy (and quiet, for once) little boy, I realized what a grave mistake I had just made. I just told him he got to do something special because I love him. Now, what am I going to do on all the other days (which will likely be all days until the end of time) that he is NOT allowed to eat his lunch in front of the TV? Is he going to think that I love him less on those days, or will he understand the value of a recently vacuumed floor? Is three years old too young to grasp “special occasions”, even if those special occasions are simply random Tuesdays when Mommy is in a good mood?
Here I am, thinking I’ve given my kid a treat, and really I may have just led him down a path of entitlement. Really, I may have just ruined all future meal times for the rest of his childhood life. Maybe he will think I only love him when he gets special privileges. All this worrying now, because I moved that damn table. This is just another one of the million moments in parenthood when seemingly simple actions result in hours of second guessing and wondering if you’ve got it figured out yet…
….Which I do not.
livefromtimeout 
Oh, yes! The honesty and humor here are refreshing…and I wish you a love deep enough that you continue asking yourself questions and watching and learning throughout your children’s young lives. As a mom of 3 teens (I just told them I will be adopting 10 cats as I am a better cat mother than teen mother), I find myself second guessing myself and changing my own thoughts mid-course regularly. I am grateful that my own mom was a good apologizer – apologizing to our children is important. But so is holding the line. And knowing what is a treat and what is entitlement. If you haven’t read CHOICE WORDS by Peter Johnston, I highly recommend it. It’s a book for teachers – but fabulous for us parents too… Cheers.
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I’m a teacher AND parent! I’ll check that out 🙂 Thanks for reading Amy.
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When I have moments where I second guess myself as a parent, I acknowledge them and move on. Tell him about special occasions, it’s not too late. 🙂
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Thank Dana! It’s good to know someone else understands where I am coming from 😉
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You took me right down the twisting rabbit hole of parenting along with you. Where is that darned instruction manual! Just to warn you, the self-questioning doesn’t cease as they get older. Having three in college, I can vouch for that!
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This is what I hear! I have a long road ahead of me. Thanks for reading.
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I think you made your son’s day! Honestly I would not have ever of thought of all the things you are worrying about! Does that make me bad? Now I’m worrying 😉
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I am a professional worrier 🙂 Apparently I did make his day because he told Daddy about it at dinner time!
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